


growing.

by sleepytoshi



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, Panic Attacks, baby jj, he deserves the world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 11:43:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12652890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepytoshi/pseuds/sleepytoshi
Summary: When JJ's coach tells him the last thing a young skater needs to hear, it crushes him.orthe one where JJ's parents save him from emotional destruction.





	growing.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for my best friend who is a slut for JJ and angst. 
> 
> if youre reading this j, i love you!
> 
> also big love to everyone else who's reading this <3

Jean Jacques Leroy. 

When he was growing up, he hated his name. It didn't sound right to him, there was nothing to it that made it special. The only person who made his name sound okay was his mother. Mostly because she was the one who named him that, so it meant a great deal to her. 

He started ice skating to numb the feeling of being lost. Well, not at first. He genuinely enjoyed the way the ice made him feel. Which he should, his mother would say, you skate as if you were born to do it.  
He wanted to believe her, so he did.

Jean was eight years old when he earned the nickname JJ. His childhood friend came up with it because, ‘it was easier to say.’ Everyone eventually started calling him that, so he finally accepted it and tried embracing it as much as he could. 

It slowly became his thing, and on the ice he created himself just the way he wanted to be. Thus, JJ style was born. When he first performed it in front of a coach, they just laughed at him. They told him there was no way he could make it as a skater if his performance was as sloppy as his. 

JJ clenched his fists and let tears roll off of his cheeks and hit the ice below him. 

“You’re wrong! You are wrong!” JJ’s small voice was strained as he poured his feelings out. 

The coach slowly turned back around and tilted his head at him, crossing his arms. 

“I will perfect my routine, I will skate better than anyone could ever dream of doing and I will win gold one day. I am not weak.” The words were harsh, but anyone could feel the emotion behind him. 

When his coach didn't say anything, JJ skated off the ice, took off his skates, and ran home. 

He ran upstairs to his room, shut and locked his door, and took in a deep breath. 

Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. God dammit stop crying, just calm down.

The words he had always tried telling himself weren't working anymore. He started to panic because he felt completely humiliated and destroyed. His breaths became short and ragged, JJ clutched his shirt and tried to gain control of himself. 

He couldnt.

The tears kept pouring from his eyes and he started to feel dizzy. He screamed out in pain, internal pain, and let himself cry until the world went black. 

-

His mother came home from work and noticed Jean’s ice skates slung to the side of the door. She automatically knew something was wrong, and a bad feeling arose in her chest. 

“JJ?” She called out, grabbing the skates and walking up the stairs. 

When no response came, she quickened her speed and knocked softly on his door. 

“JJ, are you in there?” Still silence.

Natahlie went to the door handle and was surprised to find it locked. She’s only seen him throw a few fits, but this was completely out of the ordinary. She reached up on her tippy toes and felt around for the key on the top of the door frame. She unlocked the door and went to open it, but felt weight holding it back.

“JJ, please-” Natahlie gasped when she moved enough of the door to find her son lying there, pale and lifeless. She got into his room and dropped down to him. 

“Oh God, please no, not my baby, JJ, please wake up baby, please, oh please God.” She kept repeating words, trying to wake him up, but nothing was working. She kept crying, screaming, for someone to help her, to help her son.

Natahlie was shaking so bad, but she managed to grab her phone out of her pocket and dial 911. 

“My son, he is so cold, he’s not waking up, please send help, please.” Natahlie was out of breath, begging the operator to send help as fast as they could.

-

Is this what heaven is supposed to be? Pure darkness and silence? 

JJ was surrounded in darkness, but it was almost like he was out of his body. This experience couldn't be death. Yet something was off. There was a voice calling out to him, he tried looking for the source. He tore his way through the darkness only to find more darkness. 

He continued clawing his way through the darkness, hoping to find someone or something. 

Nothing. 

JJ sat there in his thoughts, and let the darkness consume him. 

-

When he woke up, it was so bright. 

Now this has to be heaven. 

However, he was brought back to reality when he heard the continuous beeping in the background. His eyes fluttered and searched the white room for the noise. Now it made sense.

He looked down at his arm, and stared blankly at the needle taped into the bend of his elbow. His head was pounding, and it was distorting his vision. He coughed weekly, the dryness of his mouth choked him up. 

He then heard shuffling and a small voice approach him. 

“Oh JJ, I love you baby, I love you so much.” It was his mom, she was here, letting her hand softly run against his cheek. He then heard a male voice, his father, call to a doctor to come into the room.

In total honesty, he had never felt more embarrassed in his life. 

Not only was his ice skating program torn to shreds in front of him, but he had caused himself so much distress that he was in a hospital for God’s sake. He had worried his parents for no other reason besides he wasn't good enough for them. 

-

The doctors had ruled out his episode as a panic attack, due to an overload of stress. His parents were relieved it wasn't anything else, but JJ didn't feel the same.

They discharged him the next day and JJ’s life return to being semi normal again. He still had school, still had practice after school, and still had his friends. 

The only thing different was JJ. His parents noticed that he was distant now, and not as outgoing as he used to be. Their once fireball spirited JJ was putting up a giant wall in front of him, and his parents feared they would never get their son back.

When they found out the cause behind his panic attack, they immediately pulled him out from his coaches practice. Natahlie said some choice words to the man, and her husband had to pull her away from the rink to avoid any other fights. 

“I’m serious Alain. Our son will not let that prick tear his dream away from him.” She spoke weakly before crying into his shoulder. 

-

JJ was glad that he didn't have to go back to practice with him. Still, the motivation for ice skating seemed to be fading more and more as the days went on. Again, his parents noticed and devised a plan. 

“Starting today, your father and I are your new ice skating coaches!” Natahlie was radiating positivity again, and his father stood behind her with a big smile on his face. 

JJ’s heart ached with love and acceptance. He hugged his parents and let himself cry into them.

After a few minutes, JJ had stopped crying and wiped the remaining tears out of his eyes. 

“Now how about you show us king JJ style.” Natahlie kissed his cheek.

“Mom, it's just JJ style.” He giggled as she tickled his side.

“Oh no, you’re the king of the ice baby. Now go out there and wear your crown.”

He nodded with as much determination he’s ever had and skated onto the ice, as King JJ.


End file.
